Pasco

People always said that when
I thought of you
my eyes lit up like I'd seen god--
only better

You got me through some dark times,
though in the end it seemed
my idea of darkness was what others
would call "The Light"

I'm sorry I used your words as fuel.
I'm sorry you filled me up.

My inspiration was always a sick misunderstanding
of the issue at hand

I thrived on your deterioration.
I loved that you were dying.

I wanted to be in a place where I could hate myself
exactly as much you hated yourself,
exactly as much as I loved you.

Pasco.
Rose.
Ethereal.

The name will always make me shiver.