The Truth About Sylvia

When I said that my wonky penmanship drove me crazy, I wasn't speaking literally.

I just meant that it really fucking got on my nerves.

No. What really drove me crazy was my inability to orgasm.

It was a bitch, yaknow. You have three kids and

you've never once achieved the big "O."

When I stuck my head in the oven that night, a miracle happened.

Ya see, I took the silver whisks out of my eggbeater

and turned it on "low..."

Just after my moment of climax, I decided I wanted to live.

Just before I tried to pull my face out, I lost

consciousness.