Purge

I starved myself
back when I had the time
and patience
and will
to be strong
(these are things I told myself
when I did not know better) 

(I also told myself that the)
weakness settled in,
and there were images to uphold
and there were people
feeding me
shoving food down my throat
not knowing what it did
to make me eat all that. 

So I heaved,
and I spewed,
and I barfed.

What has been impossible for me to understand
is that it doesn’t have to be one or the other.