Tuesday, November 13, 2012

this one was weird

I'm not at all unfamiliar with dreams of him. He is mine, I know I'll meet him someday; he looks the same every time.
I HAD to get pregnant; I can't remember why. It had something to do with four prisoners and some scheme, some escape? (this part was VERY elaborate and amazing and important, but I cannot remember, unfortunately. I think that we had to kill the prisoners, at least)

and when I had him, I cried. not a good cry. a cry for my youth and for the life i had envisioned for myself.

and so, I sought to give him away. I DID give him away. and with that, I also cried, because I knew HE WAS MINE and I have dreamed about him so many times and giving him away meant never loving another as much as him.

it also scares me because I lose him or he gets taken or I give him away every time

i remember asking "what if my next one is defective? what if there's something wrong with it? he was PERFECT"

I also know that I gave him away because He wouldn't want him. he would leave me if i didn't.

that then dissolved, though it kept the same setting, and became one of my mother

she needed some sort of transplant--a heart transplant, I think, but it became a full-body transplant. there was a hospital and a machine, and the machine bore the image of her, and she was able to talk to me through it although the transplant was not complete

i kept guessing the next thing she was going to say, which somehow was a sort of test to make sure it really was her. it was far more surreal than i could ever explain in words (at least English words, which sound so plain and this was so. not. plain.)

the transplant must have been complete because later she came to me in a completely different form, but I recognized her as "mom."

I tried to get pregnant again, but it ended before I could witness the fruits of my efforts.

there was a lake, and a house, and so many people...but all of that is gone.

No comments:

Post a Comment